The Patterns In Life
by stari1
Summary: Rachel is always leaving and then coming back, why? Written from Rachel's POV


TITLE: The Patterns In Life  
AUTHOR: stari  
EMAIL: stari_eyez2002@hotmail.com  
SPOILERS: None  
RATING: PG  
CATEGORY: Romance  
FEEDBACK: Yes! Please consult with my friend the purple button or just email me.  
PAIRINGS: Luke/Rachel and Lorelai/Max  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything it all belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino, the WB and Doris Parker Drank Here Productions.  
SUMMARY: Rachel leaves then comes back, then leaves again. Written from Rachel's POV  
Author's Note: Special thanx to Fire and Rain. You gave me encouragement and this is what that can produce.  
I know Luke thinks I'm some sort of bitch or something, but I'm not! I didn't come back here to break his heart. I came back so that I could be with him. I've really missed him. I thought that maybe we could make it work this time. We've always been perfect together, ever since high school. But he never seemed to be able to fully commit himself to our relationship.  
  
***  
  
We'd been dating for about four years and I thought that he was going to propose, I got myself all excited and everything, and then nothing happened. So I decided to give him a few weeks to think about stuff. I left and went to New York, then after a week I came back. Things seemed different-he seemed different. But nothing changed. I had been back for over six months but still no proposal.  
  
I decided it was time for me to leave, again, this time I left for about a month, then I came back for almost six months. Slowly we got into a pattern, I'd leave and then come back, I was spending more time away and less time at home. The last time I was only gonna be gone for a few weeks, two months at the most. But weeks turned into months and months turned into years.  
  
I managed to get a job as a photographer for a small magazine in New York. I thought it was great, I got to travel the world and experience all kinds of things I'd never be able to experience if I stayed in Stars Hollow. The only thing that had kept me in The Hollow was Luke, and I was learning to live without him. So I decided to cut my losses and I wasn't going to go back to him.  
  
That worked for a long time. Travelling was fun, but one day I realised that I was in my 30s and yet I'd only ever been in one serious relationship and I'd never had my own apartment. I only ever stayed in hotels or with friends because there was no point getting my own place if I was never in one place any longer than a week or two.  
  
Advertised in the paper was a great job. It payed better than the job I had and I didn't need to travel as much. Better still, it was in Hartford. I applied and got it. My new boss gave me two weeks off because there was nothing for me to do as everything had already been assigned to people and I also needed to find myself a place to live.  
  
So I came back here. I thought that maybe we could start over again, or maybe even pick-up where we left off. I thought that maybe he would be so happy to see me again that he would forget how much I'd hurt him in the past, and that he would easily let me back into his life. But I should have known better. Luke's not the type of guy to forget, he's like an elephant, he never forgets.  
  
He took me back, but he was so distant, I thought that maybe he was just being careful and not getting too close was his way of protecting himself. I can't believe that I was so blind! I was so stupid not to see that he didn't love me. I think he tried to love me, but it was just no possible. He loved her, Lorelai Gilmore. She was getting married and so Luke was probably just looking for someone to distract him from what was going on around him. But I realised that no matter what, he couldn't stop loving her.  
  
***  
  
So here I am now packing my bags, preparing to leave, again. I told him that I couldn't stay, it just wasn't right. I couldn't be in a relationship with him if only part of his heart was in it. I told him to go be with her. He tried to tell me that it would never happen between them, that she was getting married. He promised me that if I gave him time he could forget her, but I knew he couldn't.  
  
My bags are now packed and I'm leaving. I know I'll be back one day, but I also know it won't be anytime soon. My boss phoned me and told me that I've got a lot of work to do in the next few weeks and being a big magazine I know that I'll have a lot of work to keep me busy over the next few months and maybe even years.  
  
The diner door slams behind me, I want to look back, but I know I won't. If I do I know I'll see him looking at me and there's a good chance that I'll regret what I'm doing. I know I'll see the hurt in his face and it will haunt me. So I just walk away and get on the bus that will take me away from here. I'm doing the right thing; I'm positive I am. If Luke and I are meant to be then we will meet again one day.  
  
ENDING A/N: I'm thinking of maybe writing another chapter, this time focusing on Luke's POV. What do you think? I don't have great expectations so I only want 5 reviews in support of me continuing. Then I'll start writing again. And can anyone tell  
me how to get the italics thing to work. Coz no matter what I do it just doesn't work! 


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